all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
