Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
