I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
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Do I have a choice?
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What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I got inside last night via doggy door
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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