I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
