Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
