You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Green mimosas i think yes
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
