Nicole vs. Life
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
