If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
