So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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