Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
