The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
