her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
