We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
