I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
