he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
