So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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