no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
