I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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