fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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