Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
