I wish I only lived at night.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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