he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
