Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
