I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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