There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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