My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
