can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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