shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
