It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
