when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
