he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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