from now on my penis is your penis
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
