Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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