This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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