I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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