Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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