i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
