the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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