someone threw a dead crab at me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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