first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
