Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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