I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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