All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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