i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
