Im at strip club and am horny
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
