you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
