Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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