She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
