Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
