Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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