we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
