You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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