it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
