My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
